Picture Perfect
by Rachel Lynn
Summary: [Complete] Daisuke's punched Ken, Takeru's trying to help out, and Ken doesn't know what to think. Confusion abounds. ^-^; Chapter 3 up, a new title and a dedication to Kymaera-san for her birthday!
1. Daisuke

"Takeru

Don't own digimon…

Oh, don't you just love the snazzy title (it's right up there with the summary)?!*rolls eyes* Well, this is going to be a three-part fic. I wanted to wait until I had all three parts done before I posted anything, but well…I'm not the most patient person on the planet, and I think it just got the better of me. #^-^# Oops. And I just want to say in advance that I do a lot of reading at FF.N, so a lot of what's written here has been influenced by what I've read. (Go…read the fics on my fav list…*wiggles my fingers like that's going to magically do something* )

*****

****

**Picture Perfect**

"Takeru! Hurry up and open the door!" Stupid Takeru! I know he's home. His Mom's obviously not since no one answered the doorbell when I was doing my rendition of 'Flight of the Bumblebee' on it. But I _know_ Takeru's home. He's _always_ at home on Sunday mornings curled up in his bedroom, headphones jammed on his head and his face stuck in some stupid five hundred page monstrosity of a book.

"C'mon bookworm! This is _important_!" I know you're here Takaishi, and I am not leaving you alone this time so get your nose out of the fucking book and _help_ me. His neighbors are starting to come out to see what all the pounding is about. I don't care. Can't they see this is an emergency? Eh. Probably not. Stupid neighbors. Bracing myself, I ram my shoulder at the door. His mother will kill me if I actually manage to bust it in, but I have to talk to Takeru and since he's space cadetting in the land of boring books and loud music, I have to be forceful. I turn to ram the door again. "Takeru open the damn…"

The door suddenly gives way and I'm falling all over him. Jerk, he did that on purpose! I shoot him a halfhearted glare, and he's trying his hardest not to laugh. Oh, don't get me wrong I like the guy. He's my best friend. We just spend way too much time trying to one up each other. 

Ken says we're both egomaniacs and that we have to battle it out each time we meet to see who gets to be the dominant one. I think he compared us to guy baboons. And if I recall right, that had both of us pouncing on him instead of each other. Takeru and I agree that if any one of the three of us is going to have a blue butt, it's going to be Ken. He's the one with the blue hair after all.

Ken. I sigh as Takeru offers me help from up off his floor. I have so fucked up big time.

"So where's the fire and how did you start it?" He asks as we walk into his family room. Patamon's snoozing on the TV again. Maybe I should have brought Chibimon with me. They're both getting a bit fat from inactivity. No, c'mon Daisuke, focus. Chibimon's at home trying to figure out what's happening with Ken through Wormmon. 

"I didn't do it on purpose." I'm serious! I didn't do it on purpose! 

"You never do." Takeru gives me that look of exasperated resignation. I give him an aggravated glare to let him know that now is _not_ the time to tease me about being dense. "So what happened that's got you all excited?"

"It's Ken…" I start off before coming to a grinding halt. I know Takeru knows that I'm prone to screwing things up in a big way, and he's heard about most of my more notorious bunglings. But still, this is Mr. Perfect, never-screwed-up-anything-important-in-his-entire-life, Takeru. It's damned embarrassing. Half the time, I think the only reason Ken and Takeru keep me around is because I remind them of what it's like for the rest of the people in the world who make mistakes on a regular basis. Dorks, I think sourly.

"And…?" Takeru prompts, pulling me out of my thoughts. Oh yeah. Ken. 

"And we were hanging out last night after having caught a really late night flick. I was just horsing around and, you know, being my usual self, but Ken had been really moody all night. You know how he gets sometimes. So I tried to cheer him up." It had seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, Ken's been mopey all week and usually I can pull him out of his more morose moods by just being the brainless idiot that I am. But nooooo….

"I take it that what you did, didn't work." Give the man a prize.

"No." I sigh as I try not to squirm. I feel so _guilty_. I _hate_ feeling guilty. "I was joking around and I told him if he didn't quit looking so down in the dumps, he was going end up joining the world of the dead. Then he got all huffy and said that he just might if it would get me off his case. So I got right in his face and demanded to know what was wrong and…"

"And he kissed you, didn't he?" Great, he's got that 'I can't believe you're _this_ dense' look on his face. "Daisuke, you had to have seen this coming…" 

"What?! How was I supposed to have seen this coming?" Do I look like a fucking mind reader to anyone? I'm sorry, I just don't have the female sixth sense when it comes to figuring out the intricacies of reading what it is that people mean, but don't say, but expect you to know anyway. Time to face facts; my two best friends are girls in disguise. I just know it. God, doesn't _anyone_ ever just act and say what they fucking mean besides me?!

"Daisuke, he follows you around like a little lost puppy half the time, how could you miss this?" Ken does? This is news to me. The last time I checked, the three of us were just a couple of good friends. I glance up at Takeru and he's got this kind of funny look on his face. I'd be able to figure out what he's thinking, but like I just explained, I'm all but clueless in the whole creepy telepathic department. 

"I didn't know! It wasn't obvious to me, and he doesn't follow me around like a damned puppy." I mutter a bit sullenly, and Takeru rolls his eyes at me. "Besides that's not the worst part anyway. He kissed me, and well…you know how I get when I don't know what to do and I'm embarrassed…"

"_Please_ tell me you didn't…"

"I shoved him away and then I punched him." I feel like shit. Ken's supposed to be my best friend. He told both Takeru and I like…Well I guess it's been a year already…Anyway, he told us that he was into guys. And after having unglued my jaw from the sidewalk, I was okay with that. Ken had reassured us both that he didn't have 'designs' on either of us, but that he just wanted us to know. But now he's changed _everything_! "I didn't know what to do! It was just like a reaction. I mean… I thought he was my friend because he wanted to be my friend, not because he thought I was cute or something."

"What does his being your friend have to do with you being cute?" Takeru's got that typical 'I have no idea what the hell you're talking about' perplexed look on his face as he asks. 

"He's my best friend. The three of us hang out and stuff cause we're friends. It just seems now that the only reason he got so chummy was because he thought I was cute and I'd make good boyfriend material or something." Oh yay, I sound like a whiny four-year-old. But c'mon! I just don't get it! Why do people get so hyped on romance? I mean, as far as I can tell all romance ever does is ruin friendships and complicate things a hell of a lot more than they oughta be complicated. For God's sake, how many people are actually _happy_ when they're falling in love?! They're always doing that 'I wonder if so and so likes me, and if they don't well what's wrong with me, and if they do why don't they say anything' and blah blah blah. I swear, people claim falling in love is this great trip, but all I'm seeing is the ear markings for some kind of paranoia disorder. 

I mean, I'm still trying to make it up to Hikari for fucking up our friendship when we were eleven and we're sixteen now. That's five years of trying to fix what stupid romantic feelings destroyed. And in retrospect, I didn't even really ever love her like that! God, what a waste of time and energy.

"Anyway, that's not the important part." I wave away my mini internal rant on romance to get back to the point that Takeru's patiently waiting for. "I ran after that and agonized over the whole thing last night before I finally got my ass in gear and went over to his place this morning. God, Takeru, I'm telling you, something is seriously up with him." 

"Well let's see, you rejected him, punched him, and then ran. Yeah, I'd say something's up with him." Oh sarcasm. Yippee. Thank you _so_ much, Takeru. Of course, I probably shouldn't get too snappy I deserved that. 

"Not helping…" I tell him as I slump back into the couch cushions and he shoots me a semi-apologetic look. I can tell he doesn't think much of my suspicions and I know he probably thinks I'm exaggerating. I have been known to do that after all. But I'm completely on the level this time. There really is something up with Ken. It just doesn't feel right, but I can't put my finger on the 'why'. "Besides, it was more than that. You didn't see him, Takeru. Even Chibimon agreed that there was something really different; really _wrong,_ about the way he was acting. Do you think…could you go over and talk to him for me?"

"Sure. He's probably got a lot on his mind anyway, what with having to change schools and all and this being _that_ time of year."

"This time of year?" I echo. 

"You know, remember he told us that Osamu died in the spring. The anniversary's got to be coming up sometime soon." I wince. Oh _shit_. Man, if I felt like crap before…I knew about the school business. Ken's parents finally got a clue and realized that Ken wasn't quite cutting it in the nerd school anymore and they decided to transfer him to regular high school. I guess I can see why he'd be a little upset about that, but now he gets to see me and Takeru all the time instead of just on the weekends. And for once we actually get to play on the same soccer team. But as for Osamu? Shit, shit, shit. I so fucked everything up. No wonder he was being so depressing. Me and my crappy memory.

"I forgot. You better go over and see him now. You know how he gets when he's had too much time to think and wallow." Takeru agrees with me and he gets up to pull Patamon into his arms. The orange basketball blinks and then tries to go back to sleep when he sees that it's just me. "I'm gonna head home and pick up Chibimon. Why don't you talk to him and then try to get him to come to the park. I can meet you guys there and we can work all this crap out together."

"Sounds like a plan."

*****

Okay, when I said 'meet me in the park', I was thinking they'd be here in like an hour or two. How fucking long could it possibly take Takeru to explain to Ken that I screwed up and that I was sorry? I'm thinking half an hour to explain, half an hour to coax, and that would have put them here at the park about four hours ago. I look at my watch for like the fiftieth time in less than five minutes. I've been lounging here on this stupid park bench, Chibimon asleep on my stomach, for over five hours now. I'm bored stiff. 

And feeling guiltier than hell the longer it takes for them to show up. 

I mean, I guess Takeru's right. I should have seen this coming--the whole Ken kissing me thing. In retrospect, I suppose he _was_ pretty obvious about it. It just never occurred to me. I had my best bud Ken, the genius geek, and I had my other best bud Takeru, Mr. Perfect basketball star. I guess I just didn't want anything to happen that would mess up the flow we've got going. 

And well, like I've said, romance fucks up everything. 

Besides, I'm not even sure I like Ken that way. Sure, I hang out with him. And okay, okay, so I'd be lying through my teeth if I said that I didn't think he was awfully damn sexy, but still. A guy just doesn't go and fall for his best friend. That only happens in the movies. And do the characters in the movies ever look real fucking happy with what happens? Hell no. Not until the last five minutes of the stupid flick, anyway. And knowing my luck, I would even get those five minutes in real life. I'd just get the psychotic-ness that comes with falling in love. 

Besides all that, I feel the same way about Takeru that I do about Ken. And I mean, if I was really in love with Ken, I'd only feel that way towards him, right? Not to say that Takeru would or has ever thought of me in a romantic kind of way, but still. He's awfully damn hot, too. 

So, what does that leave me with? I think both my friends could pose for the cover of GQ and have all of the world drool over them. 

I like them both. As _friends_, I firmly tell myself.

And to think of Ken romantically just seems like a betrayal to Takeru and thinking of Takeru like that seems like a slap in the face to Ken. Stupid, stupid romance! I'm thinking that right about now Cupid would make a nice shish kabob. Skewer the little twerp and put the rest of us out of our misery. 

It's just that my friends are like my world. I'm not the popular kid in school, and if it weren't for Takeru, I probably wouldn't get out much at all. I'd most likely be spending all of my time zoning out in Playstation land without him to pull me and Ken out into the real world. I'm not the most intelligent kid on the planet either, but I learn a lot of little odd ball things from hanging out with Ken that make me feel a little bit smarter than I actually am. He also helps both me and Takeru out with our math classes since the two of us couldn't multiply and get the same answer twice. We both would've flunked Algebra if it hadn't been for Ken.

And I'm supposed to be able to pick one over the other romantically? Fuck that. Not to say that there's actually an opportunity to pick one over the other, considering Takeru's never said anything or even really hinted at it, but still. If I went out with Ken, what would that do to the friendship ring we've got going? 

I'll tell you what it'd do, it would fucking _ruin_ it. 

If I dated Ken, I could pretty much see Takeru factoring in less and less in what we do. I mean seriously, he wouldn't come on any of our 'dates'; he'd be the stupid third wheel. But if Ken and I were dating, we'd be going out a lot with just the two of us. And even being the moron that I am, I can see Takeru slowly getting left out of stuff and drifting apart from us. 

So of course I want everything to stay fucking platonic between the three of us! That's part of the reason I got so thoroughly pissed off when Ken kissed me. He's changing all the goddamned rules! 

I let out a frustrated sigh and Chibimon grunts softly in his sleep. I suppose I should cool down a bit. It's not much of a problem anymore. Ken'll probably never speak to me again at this rate. Geez, of all the times for me to be an insensitive jerk…

I expected him to be sad, or angry with me. I guess I at least expected some kind of emotional response when I went over this morning. I wanted him to yell at me and get it over with 'cause I knew I deserved it. But he'd been so…so _cold_. I mean, Ken was standing right there in front of me, glaring down at me and sneering. Like I wasn't even worth the effort it took to open the apartment door to see who it was. I know, I know, I fucked up! I admit it already! But he just gave me this condescending glare and told me to get lost and that he had better things to do with his time than socialize with reckless, irrational boys of less than average intelligence. 

I suck in a hurt breath at the memory. Sure, I should have thought before I did anything. I _know_ that. Well, I know that _now_ anyway. But still, he didn't have to call me stupid, he knows I'm pretty sensitive about that. I guess he was just taking a swipe at me like I'd taken a swipe at him, but the whole thing had just seemed really wrong. Like there was something that had happened that I wasn't privy to.

Maybe I really did just imagine it. 

In any case, going to Takeru to get him to sort it all out was a good idea, right? I mean, if anyone's gonna be calm and rational enough to sort all this out, it's gonna be him. I love trying to reassure myself like this. I groan and Chibimon cracks a questioning eye. Takeru's gonna fix this. He _has_ to! Because heaven knows I'm not going to be able to pull this off by myself. 

So where the hell are they? I blink and sit up, jostling Chibimon awake in the process. He gives a huge yawns and flicks his forked tongue out for a second. I reach out and give him a halfhearted pat on his shimmering scaly back. He's my 'cat-snake of higher than average intelligence'. Which is why I call him Chibimon instead. 

"How much longer are we gonna be here?" He asks plaintively. 

"Until someone shows up, I suppose." I answer as I look out across the park. They're nowhere in sight. Damndamn damn. 

"Hey, isn't that Patamon?" I flick my glance in the direction that Chibimon's paw is pointing, and sure enough, there's the flying basketball barreling towards us through the trees like a bat pig outta hell. 

"Daisuke!DaisukeDaisukeDaisuke!" Man, I've never seen him quite this panicked before. He does a bit of a goofy landing on the park bench beside us. "You _have_ to come quick!"

"What happened?" I demand as I stand up pushing Chibimon up onto my shoulder. Patamon takes a deep breath, which I'm thinking he really, really needs if he's not going to pass out completely. 

"We went over to Ken's and he and Takeru talked for a little bit, and Takeru got to thinking that maybe Ken's dark spore was doing funny things because Ken had been acting just like the Kaiser. So we went to talk to Gennai, and…and…they're both at his place right now and you _have_ to come quick!" Yeah, Patamon's going to pass out. Numbly, I snatch the guy off the bench and then make like speedy Gonzalez for the nearest computer terminal. 

So I helped reactivate Ken's dark spore, huh? _Shit_. Just fucking _shit_. I'm gonna be lucky if either one of them _ever_ speaks to me again. 

***** 

I could hear the screaming even before I could see Gennai's fucking hut. Patamon, being the winged wonder, had already flown ahead of us, and I'm completely out of breath by the time I reach Gennai's front door and fling it open. I'm not quite sure what I was expecting. Maybe to see Ken trying to kill Gennai or trying to maim Takeru, you know, something of that sort. It would have explained Patamon's state of panic from the moment he'd found us. 

But Gennai's just sitting calmly beside this neatly made bed, watching Takeru and Ken like nothing's wrong at all. And as for Ken and Takeru…

Takeru's the one screaming. God, it hurts just to listen to it. He and Ken are facing each other, hands clasped with blood just streaming down their arms, and they're in the middle of some kind of circle made out of coding. I blink and just stare at them in shock for about a whole minute before I'm walking over to Gennai and yanking him up out of his chair by the front of his shirt. 

"What the hell did you do to them?" I yell over Takeru's hoarse screams. 

"This was the only way to negate the effects of the dark spore." Oh thank you for the informative answer, bastard. I yank at him again and growl, letting the dude know that I'm not satisfied with his explanation. "They only have four more minutes before the process is complete." He tries to calm me down. What are we baking a fucking cake here, or what? My one friend's in pain, and the other one is so pale he looks like he's about to pass out at any moment. 

"What process?" I grit my teeth as I ask. 

"Takeru is absorbing half of Ken's dark spore."


	2. Ken

Osamu

I'm beginning to think I have a palm-slashing obsession. . And I have a new found respect for everyone who writes Ken. The dude's _really_ hard to write. X_x Well, two parts down, one more left to write. ^-^

***** 

Osamu. 

I can't be you. I thought I knew that, I thought that I'd already learned that lesson. I guess I was wrong. 

Sometimes, late at night when Wormmon is curled up beside me and I can hear Dad snoring down the hallway, I wonder what you'd think of me if you were here. I imagine you would have been furious with me. The Kaiser. Not only did I steal your favorite RPG character and turn it into something twisted and wicked, I also transformed my own appearance so that I looked just like you. 

You'd hate me, I know, if you'd seen what I'd done in the name of your memory. 

It's just that to my eyes, when you were alive, no one ever stood in your way. Osamu, the genius brain child of two ordinary people. The fucking proverbial ocean parted at your feet, and no one _dared_ to tell you no. Not even Mom and Dad. 

You have to understand. Back then, I saw _you_ as the dictator. _You_ were the reason no one ever paid me any attention. _You_ were the one who hurt my feelings and pushed me down. _You_ were the one who made me realize just what a vile creature I was.

I wished for your death. I wanted you to die so that I could have a chance. All I wanted was to be happy, to be a normal little kid--like everyone else in my class at school. I didn't realize that if you went, I'd never be able to escape you. 

So you died. I guess you can imagine how responsible I felt for that. It was my first taste of guilt, and I've been playing with it ever since. 

Mom and Dad were heartbroken. Their little baby, their perfect Osamu. Gone. And in your place? Well, let's just say that little inconsequential Ken finally found himself the center of their devoted attentions. 

Except they didn't want Ken. They never had. They wanted their Osamu back. And I wanted to please them so badly. I wanted them to look down on me with the affection and adoration that they had given you. I wanted them to love me, and they made it painfully obvious that the only way that would occur was if I became you. 

But all I could remember of you was the smart, bully big brother who'd always gotten his own way. Every time I'd looked at you, I saw a tyrant. The Kaiser. 

So I bloodied my hands. Terrorized innocents. Tortured those I captured, and enslaved those I found suited my purposes. In the digital world, I finally had a place where I could rule supreme without the taint of your memory overshadowing me. But, in reality, I never escaped you. I _was_ you. 

Out of all my slaves, Wormmon had always been the most loyal. Even without a black ring, he'd been there at my beck and call. And I despised him for it. Can you understand that, Osamu? I looked at my partner digimon through the Kaiser's eyes and saw myself. And I hated who I had once been. That little ignored boy who'd been so pathetically eager to please. The little kid who would have done the lowest of chores and given up the greatest of toys, just to have _someone_ turn and look his way with love in their eyes. 

I hated Wormmon because he reminded me daily of my weaknesses, of the things I couldn't change, of the counterfeit life I was living. He played Ken to my Osamu faultlessly, and I never realized it until he was gone and it was too late to apologize. 

Would you have apologized? I lie in bed some nights, wondering. 

I thought I'd put you behind when the real world and the digital world opened to each other. I thought I had finally put your memory to rest, that I'd come to terms with your death. I thought that I'd finally learned how to be _me_ again and not _you_. 

I'd started remembering some of the good times, you know. The childish vision of the despot faded into a more realistic picture of you. Remember the two of us blowing bubbles on the terrace together? I could see then that Mom and Dad had pressured you as they had me. They had pushed you hard and long, until I think they finally broke you. 

Then you didn't seem like such a bad bully big brother anymore. No, you were like a kindred spirit now, understanding the strain I felt, the pressure I was under. I'd sullied your memory, and I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted to succeed for you, be smart for you. Carry on in your place so you wouldn't truly be dead. Without the power of the dark spore though, my efforts were in vain. 

And it wasn't even until I saw that I'd failed to be the genius for you, that I realized I was even trying. 

Had I ever wanted to be smart? I don't think so. Do you know I look at Daisuke's life with envy? That's the kind of life I wanted for myself. Me. _Ken_. I never wanted to have what you had. I never wanted the power or the intelligence to wield over other people. I never wanted the strain and the pressure that came when people learned to expect exceptional things of me.

So what am I saying? 

I can't be you, Osamu. I don't want to be. I'm sorry you're dead, but I can't live on in your place anymore. I just don't have what it takes. I'm sorry, brother, but I have to be my own person now. Without you. 

*****

I feel a sharp stinging on my palms, and as my eyes flicker open groggily to look at my hands, I can see the blood starting to seep from them. "What?" I mumble as I try to sit up, swaying slightly in the process. 

"Ken?" I blink back the dark spots dancing in front of my eyes and turn my head slowly over towards the right, feeling incredibly queasy as I do so. Where the hell am I? How the hell did I get here? 

Takeru's blue eyes look back at me with wary concern, and I can feel myself giving him a confused frown as I finally manage to get into a sitting position. I look down at my hands and then back up at him. What the hell is he doing with a knife in his hands? He wouldn't…he didn't _cut_ me, did he? "Takeru?" It comes out as a croak as the words stick to the back of my throat like molasses. He gives me another guarded glance, and then brings the knife to his palm. Two slashes, and his hands are bleeding just like mine. 

"This'll just take a couple of minutes." He says almost apologetically as I stare at his bleeding hands in a trance. A few minutes? _What_ will take a few minutes? He draws in a fortifying breath and then he grabs my hands in his, matching up the palms. 

"Takeru…" I stop in mid-sentence as a jolt of electricity runs down through my body. I try to scream. I _want_ to scream. But nothing comes out of my open mouth. I look over at him, and vaguely, it registers in my head that he's screaming. His face is contorted in pain, and there are beads of sweat forming and dripping down from his hairline. 

He was okay before he touched me. 

The thought latches onto me, and I start struggling against his hands.

_Let go_, Takeru! If it's hurting you to touch me, then just fucking let go of me. 

He grits his teeth, and if anything, the pressure of his grip increases. I can feel the blood, sticky and slick between our palms, and the droplets that have escaped imprisonment between us, dribbling down my forearms. 

I can't watch him scream anymore. I just can't. It hurts to see my best friend in this much agony. Dammit Takeru, just let go! But he's still resisting my urges, so I just shut my eyes and will myself not to hear. The sight doesn't leave me though as my eyelids shut. Oh no, it just transfers. I don't understand this. I know I shut my eyes. I _know_ I did. 

But I can still see him sitting in front of me, screaming. He hunches forward, breaking off for a few moments to keen in quiet, stifled sobs, and then in flurry of movement, I can see two…two wings sprout from his back. I don't have much time to admire them or wonder over their presence though, because something seizes at my heart, almost piercing it.

And for a couple of agonizing moments, my soul is being ripped apart. 

There's a sharp stab at my shoulder blades, and then my soul is ripped from my body. And I see wings in the periphery of my vision. Leathery, onyx-colored appendages complete with jagged claw adornments at the tips. 

Takeru. 

I force my eyes to look up at him and away from the growing pool of droplets there on the floor between us. Feathers. Silvery white, pristine, and soft. They…he looks innocent, untouched, pure. Like I always knew he was. He's fought darkness, I know he fears it, but he's never been tainted with it. Not like me. 

His eyes meet mine for a moment, and then he squeezes them shut as pain apparently grabs at him again. Let go! I try to yank my hands back in panic, but he refuses to give in. His feathers are melting. Like burning plastic, they're dripping into each other in globby chunks.

And the scent of smoldering flesh grows stronger in my nostrils as I suck in another panicked breath. God damn it, Takaishi! _Let- fucking- go_! 

It's like the blood has cemented our hands together, and I can feel his nails digging into the back of my hands painfully in attempts to keep them in his grasp. The feathers are melting together, transforming themselves. I know what shape they're taking, and I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes as his soul starts to look like mine. 

He's falling, but bring me up at the same time. 

I can feel the weight of my soul lightening, by degrees. Instead of onyx, they're now a slate gray. And the claws are slowly becoming little nubbly stumps at the tips. 

He looks over at me one last time, and then gives me my wish and let's go of my hands. And as I feel myself slipping out of consciousness, I know it's too late. He and I are the same now. 

*****

"I think he's waking up." I groan as I force my eyes to peel themselves open. I blink, and Daisuke's wavering face slowly comes into focus. "Ken, you okay? Do ya need anything?" Hesitantly, I give a negative shake of my head, trying to keep the Daisuke before my eyes in one person instead of three. 

"Where am I?" I manage to squeak out as I put my hands down on the bedspread to push myself up. The second I put pressure on my palms though, I yelp in pain. "What the hell happened?" I demand as I look down at my bandaged hands. 

The last thing I remember…the last thing I remember is Daisuke punching me and running. Why? Oh fuck, that's right. In a moment of weakness, I kissed him. Well, that definitely was not one of my more well thought out plans. I knew he wouldn't take it the right way, or even return the feeling really. I've been watching him for a long time, and there's never been anything to indicate that he saw me in a similar light.

It's just with Osamu's anniversary on Friday and transferring schools…I'd been in quite a funk. And after the movies I'd snapped at Daisuke for some stupid inane comment he'd made. He's not dumb by any stretch of the imagination, he knew something was up with me, and he called me on it. And, well, I acted on impulse. Of course, his punch in the gut quickly reminded me why it is that I don't act on impulse very often. It may work for someone like Daisuke, but not for me. 

"We're at Gennai's in the digital world." Daisuke says with that oh so obvious guarded look he gets when he knows something he really doesn't want to tell me. I stare him down patiently and finally he heaves a sigh and gets this incredibly guilty look on his face. "Well, general consensus seems to be that when I punched you last night, it was the last straw in the whole dormant spore business."

"Excuse me?" I had to have heard that wrong. I had to have. But then, why am I missing an entire day of my life? 

"I punched you, the spore went active." Daisuke flushes. "I came over this morning to try and apologize, but you barely gave me the time of day, so I hightailed it over to Takeru's cause I thought he'd be able to talk you into listening to me at least. Well, he figured that you were acting a bit Kaiser-ish and got to wondering what was going on. Somehow he and Gennai got you here and they did…something so that Takeru took half the spore out of you and into himself so that it wouldn't have the power to control you anymore." Daisuke shifts uncomfortably as he refuses to meet my gaze. 

Takeru…Takeru took half of the dark spore? I shoot Daisuke a confused glance, and he just nods guiltily. 

And then I can smell burning flesh. See feathers melting into ugly gray leather. 

I'm going to be sick…

"Where's the bathroom?" 

Daisuke points, bewildered, and I take off to empty the contents of my stomach. When I get back, Daisuke's gone. Oh God, someone _please_ give me a break here. Is that really too much to fucking ask? Tiredly, I fall back down on the bed. I'll face it all in the morning. Right now, I'm just going to let the oblivion of sleep take me. 

*****

I suppose I've felt worse in my life. The moment when Wormmon disintegrated right before my eyes comes to mind. But there haven't been too many times besides that where I've felt this shitty. In fact, the only thing that's gone right so far today is the fact that I didn't have to go to school. I'm not supposed to start at Odaiba High until next Monday, but my parents figured it wouldn't hurt to let me miss a week. Of course, I think my haggard appearance might have had something to do with that decision. 

I glare at Takeru's doorbell as I tap out this Nine Inch Nails song that I have stuck in my head on it. Answer the damn door, Takaishi. I know you're in there. This little trick of yours may work on Daisuke, but I'm a great deal more patient than him. I can do this all day. And just to prove my point, I start thumping out a rhythm on the door to go along with the doorbell. The door swings open though just as I start to get into it. Figures.

"Alright, I've opened the door. You can knock it off now, Ichijouji, the neighbors are complaining." He won't look me in the eye. 

"They wouldn't have had to complain if you'd opened the door after I rang the doorbell the first time." I say calmly, trying to regain some of my wits. Takeru looks like shit. Damn, if I look half as bad as he does, I think I understand why my parents were so quick to agree to let me stay home. He's got bandages wrapped around his own hands too. 

God, why did he do it? Did he have any idea what he was getting into? Did he think it would be a snap to adjust to? I know it's not going to be, even at half the force, _I'm_ fighting the damn thing's urges to say 'fuck the world, I'm going on a rampage'.

"Yeah, well, given the choice, I wouldn't have answered at all, but Patamon made me." Normally Takeru gets this insanely cute look when he sulks, but this time he seems a lot more surly and a lot less cute. 

"Why'd you do it, Takeru?" I ask quietly since it's pretty apparent that he's not going to invite me in. Given the way he's probably feeling, I don't blame him much; I'm probably a nasty reminder of why it is he feels so shitty. 

"Why?" He rolls his eyes. "You're my best friend, why not?" 

"You should have just left it alone. Left me alone. I'm sure, given the time, Gennai would have found a way to remedy things without you having to take half of…of _this_. What the hell were you _thinking_ taking on a burden like this? You've been sheltered your whole damned life. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Trust me, I know. Damn it anyway, Takeru!" I'm frustrated and I can admit it. And I'm ashamed. If I hadn't been, well _me_, this wouldn't have happened. His soul would still be clean. He'd still be untouched. Unsullied by my filth. 

"Well I didn't fucking leave it alone so just goddamn deal with it, okay." He snarls as he turns on me. I take a step back and blink. He's finally turned those baby blue eyes of his on me, and I can see that they're overly bright with unshed tears. Well fuck. I'm not handling this very well at all, now am I? I should probably just be thanking him for not letting me turn into the Kaiser all over again. It's just that I care about him too; I didn't want him to have to deal with this. 

"Takeru…" I start off hesitantly. He glares at me and then his hand snakes out, grabbing the front of my shirt and pulling me close. I stare at him in muted shock. I think I've seen him get really and truly pissed off once before in my entire life. It is a bit unnerving. "Listen Takeru…" 

He's kissing me. Oh my fucking Tokyo! He's _kissing_ me.

And as quickly as he grabbed me, he shoves me back. "I did it because I love you, genius." And then the great Takeru Takaishi slams the door in my stunned face.

***** 

"Ken, are you okay?" Wormmon asks worriedly as I groan into my pillow. 

"Just peachy." I mutter. Takeru loves me? Since fucking _when_?! And why did I not see this before? Rolling over slightly, I catch a glimpse of Wormmon's anxious face out of the corner of my eye, and with a sigh I reach over, pulling him over to me. He snuggles up against my chest, but stays silent. I guess that's something he and Takeru have in common. They know when I'm in one of my moods, and they'll give me the time and the space to just think. 

Not that Daisuke's a real pest or anything about it. It's just that he can't seem to stand silence. If it's quiet, he's got to fill the void. What happened at the movies on Sunday is just one example of many. And while cheerful chatter usually does make me feel a bit better, sometimes all it does is reinforce the artificial flavor, the isolation and loneliness of things.Sometimes a totally inane comment can make you laugh and snap you out of a bad mood, other times it just reminds you of how rotten you feel and how great the rest of the world is feeling in comparison. 

So where does that leave me? I mean, I _need_ both Takeru and Daisuke in my life. Takeru's there in the moments where I just need a silent companion to sympathize with. And Daisuke's there in the moments that I need someone to just be crazy and wild to knock me out of my funks. If I had to choose between them? _Can_ I choose between them?

Fact of the matter is I don't want to. Sure I do some pretty heavy flirting with Daisuke. He's just so _dense_ though. It's all harmless because he rarely ever figures out that I'm even coming on to him. And yes, I did kiss him. But it _was_ in a moment of weakness, as much as I hate to admit it. I suspect I would have done the same thing if it'd been Takeru there at the movies with me instead of Daisuke. 

So logically, what happens next? 

I growl in frustration as I give my pillow an ineffectual punch. Wormmon gives me a concerned look, and I try to give him a reassuring smile. Daisuke's all fire, passion, and energy. Who wouldn't be attracted to that? And that's not even taking into account the way he _looks_. Being with Daisuke is like an adrenaline rush. He just has a way of making everything come to life around him. He reminds me of the Ken I want to be, the kind of life I want to lead. He makes me want to try and be a better person, despite the odds and the obstacles in my way. I feel alive when I'm with him. 

Takeru's more like an ocean breeze all calm and quiet. Understanding. He may not have Daisuke's passion, but he's got his own subtle power. You can see it in the way he acts, the way he moves, the way he looks. Takeru, in many ways, is a lot like me. 

Maybe more so now than ever before. 

With Daisuke, every thought he has is written there for the world to see. Daisuke doesn't have anything to hide, and even if he did, I doubt he'd bother. But that's not the way I work, and Takeru understands that because he's the same way. I can relate to him. He knows exactly when to get off my case and give me my space, and he knows when to be there to lend support. And he's every inch as loyal as Daisuke, it's just that Takeru doesn't see me so much as an exotic type fish as he does a comrade in arms. 

Fuck. I love them both. 

Which of course means that I can have neither. I suppose I really should have listened to Daisuke's rants on romance more closely, it appears as if he was probably right about it. But where does that leave me now? One of my best friends just took half of a dark spore for me. What am I supposed to say? 'Oh gee, thanks, but I can't really return your love because I can't seem to decide whom I love more: you or Daisuke'? I'm sure that would go over real well.

There's a light tap at my bedroom door and I roll over slightly, careful not to crush Wormmon in the process. Daisuke's standing there at the door with the most incredibly guilty look on his face. I hide a smile as I climb down off the top bunk to greet him. Poor Daisuke, he never does guilt very well. And me? Well, I'm a pro at it, right?

"Listen Ken…" He starts off and then stops as his face goes through this pretty impressive display of emotions. "Fuck man, I am _so_ sorry." He finally spits out with this crushed look on his face. 

"Daisuke…" I start but he waves a hand and cuts me off. 

"No, I mean it. I really, _really_ fucked up this time. It was bad enough that I got all flustered and punched you like that. But my timing couldn't have been worse. God, I'd totally understand if you can't even stand the sight of me at the moment, but I've got to apologize. I never meant for things to crash down like that."

"Daisuke, it's okay." I grab his wrists so he'll quit flailing his arms around in frantic gestures. What? Did he think I wouldn't forgive him? He's forgiven me wrongs of far greater magnitude. He looks me straight in the eye with those liquid brown eyes and I can't help but give him a smile. A real smile. "It's not really your fault that things snowballed like they did. I should have told you or Takeru what was going on instead of keeping it all inside like that. The dark spore has always been my responsibility and my burden, and I should have realized that I was heading into a danger zone with the way things were piling together."

"Yeah, but I _punched_ you."

"That hurt, too, you know." I can't help but give him a small guilt trip for it. 

"I'm sorry. I just…I wasn't thinking. I just reacted." He says shamefaced before he turns and avoids my gaze. Well shit, I guess I might've misjudged how guilty he felt about the whole thing. He looks like I just shot Chibimon dead or something. 

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have just kissed you out of the blue like that. I know you don't feel the same way, and it was wrong of me to try and force our friendship in a different direction." I finally get out with a heavy sigh. 

"You don't think I feel the same way about you that you do about me?" I jerk my head up and stare at him, confused. Of course, the semi-perplexed look on his face isn't clearing up matters any, either. 

"You don't, do you?" I ask with a bewildered snort. He frowns and then looks me straight in the eye. 

"Kiss me again." 

"_Excuse me_?" I demand as my eyebrows shoot up into my hairline. 

"Kiss me again. I wasn't expecting it the last time, and if I'm gonna know for sure, I need something to go on." He tells me calmly, as if what he's proposing is the most logical thing. Sometimes, I think it would be a lot of fun to live in the same world Daisuke does. The natural laws of the universe obviously don't apply there, and overall, I think it'd be a pretty trippy experience. "Ken?" 

Sucking in a breath, I grab the sides of his face and bring my lips to his. His impulsiveness is catching. That's the last coherent thought that goes through my head before I feel his tongue dart into my mouth and work it's way over mine, experimentally and uncertainly. Shyly, I start matching his movements stroke for stroke.

A long time later, we finally separate and I get to breathe again. He's standing in front of me panting slightly with a semi-dazed look on his face, and I imagine if I could see my reflection, I'd see much the same on mine. "Wow. Just…_wow_." He manages, and I nod numbly.

Two kisses in one day, how'd _that_ happen? Oh _shit_! Takeru! Daisuke shoots me a questioning look and I realize that my revelation must be showing on my face so I just decide to come clean. 

"What about Takeru?" I ask softly. 


	3. Takeru

I'm going to be violently ill

Wheee…and here's the last chapter. This is also a belated birthday fic for Kymaera-san. *sniffles* I can't believe you're leaving already! The summer went by ~way~ too fast. LI'm so gonna miss you! And thanks for being so encouraging! ^-^ 

As for the rest of this A/N?Hmmmm…well, I finally found a decent title for it. Hope that doesn't confuse people too much. And if I thought Ken was hard to write, Takeru was like a billion times worse. He always comes out with a slightly bitter flavor. X_x Oh well. Sorry this took me so long! Hope you enjoy! ^-^;;;

*****

I'm going to be violently ill. 

"Takeru? Ken?" Glancing up, I sway dizzily on my knees as Daisuke clambers into the coded circle to join us. Trying not to lose my stomach then and there, I slowly look down to see Ken lying unconscious on the floor in front of me. Lucky.I'd love to be out of it right about now. 

"Takeru? You okay?" Daisuke reaches over and gives my shoulder a small shake, and I can feel the acids trying to churn their way up through my throat as I snap my attention to his face. I'd be much better if I could just pass out. Out of the corner of my shaky vision, I can see that Daisuke's other hand is brushing back Ken's dark hair.

"Outside…" I mumble, as I try to climb to my feet. I'd really rather not spew all over Gennai's nice clean cabin floor. My joints feel like they're on fire, and there are little pin pricks of pain sparking up and down all over my skin. Of course, this is nothing compared to what I felt earlier, so I grit my teeth as I stumble unsteadily. Daisuke's immediately by my side as I clumsily make my way to the edge of coding Gennai constructed to temporarily contain the effects of the dark spore. 

"…can't believe you did that! What were you thinking?!" Dully, I swing my gaze up to his and my stomach tries to tip tap it's way up my throat. What? So it's okay when he does it, but it's not when I do? I frown at him, as I step outside the circle. 

Whoa. 

There's someone jumping around in my head. 

I blink. Blink again. Then rub my eyes. The sensation doesn't leave. I'd love to just stand here and not move until I get used to the way it feels, but the jumping in my head is only making me more nauseous.Pulling energy from sources I didn't realize I even had, I run for the door, fling it open, and heave onto Gennai's tulips. 

"Ah man, Takeru, you should've said something. Gennai does have a bathroom, you know." I blink blearily down at the ground, trying my damnedest to get my vision to focus. It doesn't seem to be working though as the tulips do a little dance and blend into each other. Daisuke's there beside me smoothing my bangs back off my forehead and turning my face up so he can get a good look at me. If I weren't sick, I'd be amused. Like he can see if I'm going to be all right or not by just looking in my eyes.

Irritated, I rub them. The guy in my head is getting awfully damn annoying. He hasn't let up yet. 

"I'll keep that in mind next time." I mutter to Daisuke, hating the foul taste in my mouth.

"Are you okay?" 

"Never felt better." I give him a disgusted glare. He rolls his eyes and gives me that pained look that practically begs me to knock it off with the sarcasm. "I feel like shit." And the guy in my head just gained fifty pounds and an attitude. 

"What were you thinking?! Why didn't you wait for me? I mean, this was my fault to begin with. I should have been the one to fix it. And even then, Takeru…what the hell were you thinking?!" He growls softly as he frowns at me. 

Well excuse me for trying help. And what right does he have to lecture me? He's always the one that jumps in without thinking. What? Is it against the law for me to do that on occasion?

"Why don't you go check and see if Ken's okay?" I suggest through gritted teeth. He stares at me for a moment, and then zips into the house. And a part of me is unreasonably hurt by the fact that he left so fast. That and the person in my head seems to take exception to Daisuke's departure as well. It feels like he's reached out and is now pounding as hard as he can on the spot between my eyes. 

And I can understand why. Seriously, what right could Daisuke possibly have to yell at me like that? So it's fine if he sacrifices, if he crawls out on a limb, to rescue his friend but it's not okay when I do it? Fuck that. 

I can be just as good a friend to Ken as he is, and yeah, maybe I'm six years late but dammit, I did the right thing this time. Right?

I mean, this _was_ something that had to be done. And I didn't hesitate. I didn't let my fear get the best of me like it always does. I fought it, and I _did_ the _right_ thing. 

Up until now, I've just been lucky that everything has turned out okay. It sure wasn't because of anything I did that Patamon was reborn after defeating Devimon. And it certainly wasn't because of any action on my part that Ken was able to become part of our group all those years ago. And it definitely wasn't because of my display of faith and courage that we were able to turn the tide against Myotismon's reincarnation. 

Daisuke would have done this. All he would have seen was _Ken_ in need, and he would've jumped right in.

It's just that I've hesitated too many times in the past, and something had to be done. I couldn't just let him go back to being the Kaiser. Ken never would have forgiven himself, and I knew that. I wasn't wrong about this. I couldn't have been. If Daisuke had been the one to figure it out, he would have done the same thing I did. So why is he getting all bent out of shape because I did it? What the hell is the matter with him?!

I get up off my knees, walk back to the door, and peer in. Daisuke's sitting beside Ken in the coded circle. He's got that _look_ on his face. The one he always gets when he's around Ken and he thinks no one's watching. He reaches out a hand and he pushes a couple of wayward strands of dark hair off of Ken's forehead, and gives an odd sort of smile. 

Oh. 

I suppose I should have seen this coming. 

Ken was never too terribly subtle about how he felt towards Daisuke, and even when he told us that he was gay--that he didn't have any 'designs' on us--I knew he was lying. Maybe he didn't mean to, maybe he didn't want to do anything to endanger the friendship he had with us, but I knew from the start that he was attracted to Daisuke. 

And really, I guess I could have seen that for all Daisuke's protests, he liked Ken back. I never really stood a chance, and I know it. I guess…I guess that in some ways, this was just an attempt to prove to them that I could be a good friend too. That I'm not just some coward that freezes and turns indecisive when things get a bit risky. I wanted to prove to them that I could be counted on to make the difficult decision when it the situation called for it. In my infinite wisdom, I thought that this would prove to them that I could be a worthy of them. 

But they're perfectly content to be with each other. And who am I to interrupt their happiness?

"Takeru?"Patamon whispers quietly to me as he lands on my head. I pull him off and into my arms as I turn out of the doorway and walk back outside. 

"Let's go home." I say quietly. 

The man in my head smirks happily in his own contemptuous way. Who needs them anyway? Daisuke and Ken?I could do much better than them. He whispers in my head, and as much as it hurts I can't quite make myself believe that. I give my head a negative shake. 

_'Fuck off,'_ I think at him irritably.

*****

Ken's been knocking on the front door for about the last five minutes. I don't understand him. Why is he here? He's got Daisuke. What does he need with me? Rolling over, I sigh as I shove my headphones down on my ears. Quit wallowing in self-pity, Takaishi. You've got other friends. There's Hikari, and my brother, and the other Chosen…

But it's not really the same. With Ken and Daisuke, it's more than friendship. I'm not sure if I can really explain it. 

Even over the music, I can hear him pounding on the door. I don't know why he just won't give up. He's already made his decision. I hope he and Daisuke are happy. And as long as I don't have to be there seeing them together, I can be happy for them. I think. I hope. 

I bury my face in my pillow. My head aches, and if I sit up too fast, black spots dance between my eyes. I can't even play the hero right. Maybe I started believing the hype that the people at school keep spreading. Talk about stupid. Oh yeah, I'm cool, I'm smart, I'm popular, I can do no wrong. 

What a bunch of shit. 

I should have called Daisuke. He should have been there with me when I had Wormmon and Patamon knock Ken out, and he should have been there when Gennai developed that coded circle to contain Ken and his dark spore in until a solution could be reached. Daisuke was right. Instead of doing the right thing, I only ended up doing something rash. Not that either of them will care much now, considering that they have each other…

Trust me, I've learned my lesson. 

"Yeouch!" I yelp suddenly as there's a sharp sting on my arm. Flipping around, I look to see Patamon letting go of my arm. He bit me! My own digimon bit me! I scowl at him, and he glares right back. Sighing, I whip the headphones off my head. "What did you do _that for?!"_

"Go answer the door, Takeru." 

"No." I snap at him and turn away to stare back at my pillow. "Ow!" I screech as he takes another nip at my arm. "Stop it!"

"He deserves an explanation, and you need to talk to him. And I'm just going to keep biting you until you quit ignoring me, Takeru!" He yells as I try to turn away from him again. Glaring, I sit up. For a few seconds, we just stare at each other. Why _should I talk to Ken? _

But I've seen that look on Patamon's face before. He's not going to leave this alone. Much to my disgust, I get up and answer the damn door, since it's apparent that Ken is never going to give up knocking. My palms sting as I twist the knob.

"Alright, I've opened the door. You can knock it off now, Ichijouji, the neighbors are complaining." I announce, trying my damnedest to sound like I don't care that he's here. 

"They wouldn't have had to complain if you'd opened the door after I rang the doorbell the first time." He almost looks nervous, but that sardonic look of his makes me hesitate in that assessment. Nervous? Please, this _is Ken._

He looks dark. Yeah, I know that sounds dumb. But it's not dark in coloring, it's just dark in, well, soul I guess. No one would mistake him for an innocent angel. Not with the brooding cynicism sitting right there on the surface for all to see. 

"Yeah, well, given the choice, I wouldn't have answered at all, but Patamon made me," I all but growl as I think about it. Ken fascinates me in a way, but it's really a bit more than that. Unlike Iori, I think he understands why my moods can swing so fast and so violently. After all, he's afflicted with much the same condition. It's the sort of thing that happens when you try to hold everything inside. Sometimes, despite your best intentions, the pressure's too much and you have to blow. 

"Why'd you do it, Takeru?" He asks in that low silky voice of his. Suppressing a shiver, I study the door jam for a second. He has no idea about how I feel for him. 

"Why?" I slide a glance at him, and then roll my eyes at the solemn look on his face. He doesn't even have a clue. "You're my best friend, why not?"

"You should have just left it alone. Left me alone. I'm sure, given the time, Gennai would have found a way to remedy things without you having to take half of…of _this_. What the hell were you _thinking_ taking on a burden like this? You've been sheltered your whole damned life. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Trust me, I know. Damn it anyway, Takeru!" He snaps at me, his eyes flashing. Sheltered? _Sheltered?! _

The already dull pain between my eyes intensifies ten fold at his words. What? Is he the only fucking person on the planet who's faced hard times? Like he's cornered the fucking market in heartache? My brother may not be dead, but that doesn't mean he hasn't tried.

The ugly truth? I hate Yamato sometimes. I hate that he doesn't care enough for me or for our friends to at least try and get help. I resent that his depression occupies so much of our parents' thoughts, and that what little time they spend with us away from their jobs is spent on him. I hate that he shuts me out, and I hate that somehow I've always been his reason to live. I resent the fact that he's put that burden on me. 

I'm angry at my parents too. If they hadn't spilt, Yamato wouldn't be like this. Would it have killed them to attempt civility? I can't help but think that they just never cared enough about either me or my brother to even try. Sometimes, I'm convinced that Yamato and I are just like his and hers towels; merely possessions of a broken household to be efficiently divvied up and then never talked about again. I can't say much for Yamato, but I know my feelings on the subject never really accounted for much with them. We can't even spend Christmas together as a family without a third world war occurring. Sometimes it's even hard to remind myself that I'm supposed to love them. 

And my friends? Truth is I'm a real selfish bastard sometimes. 

Ken's not the only one who's questioned the depth of darkness in his soul. 

"Well I didn't fucking leave it alone so just goddamn deal with it, okay." Snarling, I glare at him. I thought I could live with just friendship, but I can't. Competing with Daisuke? Please, I know I don't have a prayer. 

Pure, innocent, perfect Takeru would roll over like a goddamned whipped puppy and just accept facts, but that Takeru doesn't exist. 

"Takeru…" He says hesitantly. Giving into my temper, I lash out and grab him by the front of his shirt and pull him close. "Listen Takeru…" I almost manage a smirk as he looks at me a bit worried. I don't think he'll ever understand why I did it. Not when he has Daisuke. So what could it possibly hurt if I kiss him? 

It's sweet and tangy, and it's perfect. In a really bittersweet-sour kind of way.

"I did it because I love you, genius." I tell his bewildered face as I shove him back angrily, and then I slam the door in his face. 

For a moment, I stand in the entryway stunned, and then with my back up against the door, I slide down until I'm sitting on the floor. My head hurts so much that I'm almost afraid I'll throw up again. What possessed me to do that? Of all the options available to me, I had to _kiss him and announce my __love for him? Oh yeah, that was nothing short of brilliant. Even at his absolute worst, Daisuke never would have fucked up this bad. _

Groaning, I rest my head on my knees and close my eyes. At least with them closed, the world doesn't sway so bad. I feel a thump at my side, and I look down to see Patamon slumped against me. He gives a mournful look, and I sigh as I reach down and rest my hand on his back. 

"I'm sorry, Takeru." 

"No, you were right. I needed to talk to him." I needed to see for myself that he didn't feel that way towards me. As much as it hurts, at least I know now, right? Besides, in retrospect, this day's been spoiling to happen for a while now. Given how close Daisuke and Ken have always been, I guess I should feel lucky that they even let me in on their friendship for the couple years that they did. 

So why don't I feel lucky? Why do I want to just corner them both and yell at them until I'm hoarse? Maybe it's for the best than that they don't come around anymore. Given the fact that this half spore in my blood has managed to fray my self control over my temper to bits of dust, I'll probably say something nasty and mean hearted that I know I'll regret later. 

The ringing doorbell just about jerks me out of my own skin, and I give a strangled yelp before I think to stop myself. Patamon's already made a beeline for the space under the end table in the living room. 

"Takeru?" I hear Daisuke's voice through the door, and grimacing bitterly; I climb to my feet and look out the peep hole. Sure enough, he's standing out there in his not-quite-so-patient way, waiting for me to open the door. Great, just great. This, of course, is exactly what I _didn't need at this particular moment. My palm stings again as I reach out, twist the knob, and pull the door open. _

"Hey you opened the door on the first ring! That's got to be a record, huh? What, are you not face first in some encyclopedia of a book?" He bounces over the door jam and into the entryway, snatching my hat off my head as he pushes his way past me on route to the kitchen. Oh just what I needed. Attack of the genki Daisuke. 

I've had it with this. He can burn down the fucking apartment for all I care. I slam the front door shut, and make my way back into my bedroom. Daisuke's been here often enough. When he finally takes the hint, he can let himself out. 

Flopping down on my bed, I bury my face once more in my pillow. Seconds later I feel the mattress shifting heavily to the side as Daisuke bounces onto it beside me. 

Ignore him and he'll go away. Daisuke…stray puppy…they are kind of the same. Then I remember seeing him make a beeline for the kitchen. Damn, I've inadvertently fed him. Once you feed a stray, they hang about forever. Well, to hell with it. 

I roll over towards the wall, lightly resting my forehead against the bland white paint. Maybe if I feign sleep… 

"This is damn good stuff, Takeru. Man, you're so lucky sometimes. My mom refuses to buy me this stuff anymore." He announces rather loudly in my ear. The words 'dense as a post' don't even begin to describe Daisuke. I'm determined though, he'll take the hint eventually. I'd like to think that I could just stay casual friends with him and Ken after this, but truth is…that's asking too much. "Ah c'mon, don't be like that." He whines in a particularly shrill voice directly into my ear. 

And just as I've decided that he's finally given up, he yanks my shirt up and presses something cold and wet against my back. Yelping angrily, I sit up abruptly and turn to glare at him. He, of course, smiles back at me innocently, carton of ice cream in hand. 

He's wearing my hat. It's crammed down on his head just about as far as it will go, and only a couple tufts of hair at his ears, and a few locks of his bangs are visible. The spoon is hanging limply from the side of his mouth and he's got that five going on sixteen look on his face. Why is it always so hard to be angry at him? This would be so much easier if I could just be furious with him. If I could convince myself that I'm better off without him and his antics. 

"Why are you here?" I ask quietly, already guessing the answer. I don't want him to feel guilty about this. After all, I'm the one who screwed it up. 

He, being Daisuke, ignores my question completely and plucks the spoon out of his mouth. He digs it into the ice cream and then holds it out to me. "You should try it. It really is good." At his words, I look heavenward and sigh before shooting him a pained look. 

His smile falters slightly, and the ice cream slides off his spoon and lands in on the bed between us with a soft plop. For a moment, we both just sit there and stare dumbly at it. "So you came over to spill vanilla ice cream on my bed…" I say with another sigh, breaking the silence. Why does he have to make this so much harder than it already is? 

I understand, okay. You and Ken are happy together. It's not a matter of one of us winning or losing, it just is. You don't have to apologize or explain. But I can't have you around here anymore. It hurts. 

"You know what this looks like?" He asks as he pulls a bit experimentally at the sheet, making the melting ice cream gloop around. I look down at it and then at him. He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and I just can't seem to help myself. 

I start laughing. 

It's just such a Daisuke thing to do and to say. He is _such a dork. Such an incredibly adorable, pain in the ass, dork. "You know, _Takeru, you really should change the sheets after you do something like that." He mock lectures me as wags the spoon at me. I can't stop laughing, but I really do think that now would be a good time to quit. "So who was the lucky bastard? You didn't…not with…I _did see Ken leaving as I walked up…" _

It's almost like I can here a tiny snap inside myself at those words. I'm laughing so hard that I can feel the tears beginning to stream down my face. Except…I'm not really laughing anymore. Shit. Rolling away towards the wall again, I smother my growing sobs into my pillow. Goddammit, why won't he just fucking _go away?! _

"Takeru?"

Go _away, Daisuke. You're just making this worse. _

"Takeru, are you okay?" 

If I say yes, will you go away?

"_Fuck." He hisses softly. I can feel his hands on my shoulders, gently trying to tug me around to face him. But I don't really want to face him, so I tense up and dig in deeper. "I'm sorry. Whatever it was _that I said, I'm sorry. Fuck, just…fuck. C'mon, Takeru. _I really am sorry." And if he didn't sound so worried and panicked I could have just kept my mouth shut. Damn. _

"It's not your fault." I manage to hiccup out through my pillow. "I just want to be alone." No I don't. I hate being alone. But I don't really want you to be here when I'm like this either. Run back to Ken, Daisuke. 

"Tell me what's wrong first and I'll consider it." He counters, and I feel his arms curl around my shoulders slightly as he gives up on tugging. Tell him? How in the hell do I possibly tell him without sounding like a three year old crying over a lost toy? "Does this have something to do with me and Ken?" 

"I'm just feeling sorry for myself, okay?" I manage not to growl. "And it has nothing to do with you and Ken, I really am happy for the two of you." I blatantly lie. Apparently that was enough of an answer to satisfy him, because he pulls back and just sits on the bed for a moment. 

"Listen, I gotta go do something really quick. Stay here, okay?" I hear him order, and then I hear him walk out of the room, to the front door, and out of the apartment. 

Wonderful. My head's pounding to the point where I'm almost seeing double. My eyes are all puffy and scratchy. Rolling over, I didn't see how it could get crappier than this. Until, of course, I rolled into the melted ice cream. 

And damn if Daisuke doesn't still have my hat. 

***** 

I am going to rip the fucking doorbell out of the fucking wall, I decide. And now, apparently, ringing the bell simply isn't enough. They're both out there _yelling at my front door. I've had three different neighbors actually __call and leave rather nasty messages on the answering machine in the last three minutes. They both know I'm in here, and I'm going to have to open the door. _

Irritated, I can feel my palms stinging again as I open the door. This is the third time today that I've reopened those scabby self inflicted wounds. It hurts dammit. Couldn't they have just left me alone until it had a little time to heal on its own? 

Daisuke doesn't even wait for an invite, he comes bounding in excitedly, my hat right there smashed down on his head. Ken, of course, enters a bit more sedately, but fact of the matter is that they're both intent on talking to me--it seems--whether I want to hear what they have to say or not. 

Trying to stay calm, I shut the door, and then turn to see that they've already left me in favor of the living room. Sighing, I make my way over to the room. But the sight of the two of them semi-draped over each other makes me stop cold. Are they deliberately trying to rub it into my face?! No…wait…I did tell Daisuke that I was happy for them. 

Uncertainly, I face them both and given them a questioning glance. 

"Do you like seeing us like this, Takeru?" Daisuke asks, and he just sounds so innocently curious that I try to force the lump back down my throat. 

"Don't be dense, of course he doesn't like seeing us like this." Ken rolls his eyes and gives Daisuke a light, affectionate smack upside the head. And they both turn and look directly at me. Gulping, I take a step back. I am…incredibly confused. 

"Of course he doesn't! Duh, what was I thinking? Nobody would like seeing this because there is _definitely something missing." He sounds like he's repeating rehearsed lines, but I'll be damned if I can figure out why or what exactly it is he's talking about. They look fine to me, as much as that hurts to admit. "Yup, there's definitely something wrong with this picture." Daisuke announces. "And I know just how to fix it." _

He bounds up off the couch, grabs my arm and hauls me over to it, shoving me down beside Ken. I know I'm blushing by the time Daisuke gives us both a thoughtful look and then starts rearranging our positions. When we seemed to be comfortably hanging on each other enough to his satisfaction he then plops himself down on top of both of our legs. 

Blinking in bewilderment, I look at his smiling face and then at Ken's. 

"Now it's a perfect picture." Ken says as he gives me a slight hug with his one arm. His other hand is playing with the tufts of hair that are sticking out from under my hat on Daisuke's head. 

"You get it, Takeru? Did you see what was missing?" Daisuke asks as he grabs one of my hands and threads his fingers in between mine. I manage a grin, even though I'm blushing madly. 

"Yeah, I get it. Even I'm not that dense." 

"So is this arrangement more to everybody's satisfaction?" Ken asks dryly. 

"Yeah, just think of when we get to the kinky stuff!" Daisuke wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at Ken and I.Grinning like a maniac, I turn to Ken, give a slow nod. And then we both pounce on Daisuke. 

Yeah, now the picture's perfect. 


End file.
